My journey in giving serious consideration to how I want to grow old!
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Three years ago I turned the big 6 0 and was feeling feelin’ pretty touchy about it.
I needed to do some serious sorting and take stock of ‘my stuff.’ Angst tends to accumulate over the years.
I had a sneaky suspicion that if I didn't process ‘my stuff’ and commit to counseling I'd just get old and cranky.
The process of emotional sorting reminded me of what guests on the show, ‘Hoarders’ are required to do. Weed, sort, evaluate, and eliminate.
Instead of wading through piles of plastic Disney trinkets and moldy magazines, I had to make my way through sticky emotions and stinky attitudes.
In order to move forward more freely, I had to tackle my mounds of ‘stuff.’
I saw principles for aging with freedom, grace and joy as choices I could make to help my soul age well.
To keep me motivated while I worked through my piles, I wrote up the following 'tongue-in-cheek' list post to remind me of the alternate course of action.
‘Requirements for Being a Grumpy Old Lady.’
Seeing the effects of wrong choices, usually helps me make better ones. I hope it makes you nod a smile to your desired future just as it did to mine.
TO READ MORE BELOW - Click the link to right......
A guide for burnt-out and angry women.
In this post, you will learn how to grow in your crabbiness and avoid the risk of aging with grace. You’ll get the exact steps needed to ensure your crankiness and grumpiness. If these principles are observed and dutifully embraced, you can be assured no one will ever accuse you of aging gracefully.
#1.) Do what you’ve always done. Don’t be open to any new opportunities. Realize opportunities may evoke sudden sensations of pleasure and therefore are to be avoided.
#2.) Resist change.
Curb any impulse to adapt. Deny the mantra, ‘Life is about change.’
#3.) Don’t seek any type of creative endeavor.
Making or creating feels good and could increase happiness.
#4.) Make no plans to travel.
Whether it is a trip to the mall, theater, a sports event, or even a different state or country, travel, in any form may produce renewed vitality.
#5.) Do not indulge in anything that brings you joy.
Avoid identifying and doing those things that are pleasing to you. This activity leads to the temptation of doing them again, and again and again. This thwarts your goal of growing old and grumpy.
#6.) Keep yourself walled off from relationships.
Having someone with whom you can confide dangerously enhances your emotional health and diminishes grouchiness.
#7.)Do not consider yourself worthy of any celebration.
Congratulating yourself on accomplishments, even those small, incremental ones, may lead to being inspired to try and accomplish more goals. Another trap to sidestep. Under no circumstance should you ever celebrate yourself.
#8.) Maintain a Debby-Downer Outlook
Share gloom whenever possible. Make sure all your interactions are peppered with disapproval, condescension, and bitchy complaints. This is mandatory.
#9.) Do not allow yourself to feel inspired.
Inspiration may lead to motivation for some new project or task, which may result in feelings of happiness.
#10.) Ignore and deny yourself. Show absolutely no value for your body or your health. Drink and eat whatever the hell you want. Ignore any remnant of understanding of nutrition. Above all, avoid walking at all costs. Don’t concern yourself with rest or sleep. You can rest when you die.
#11.) Don’t try to learn new things.
You already know old dogs can’t learn new tricks. So, for god’s sake, don’t worry about exercising your brain in any such dangerous activity. Such attempts sabotage grumpiness.
#12.) Practice ingratitude every day.
Each morning before you get out of bed, think of every rotten thing in your life. And throughout the day, recall your list, rolling them over and over in your mind for a full feeling of despair.
#13.) Never try to evaluate your feelings.
Disregard them. Whatever you do, DO NOT write about your emotions. Writing about your feelings has been proven to promote emotional well-being. For attaining maximum ‘old and grumpy’ capacity, you must bypass this practice.
#14.) Make every effort NOT to smile or laugh.
Do not watch funny movies or old reruns of Seinfeld. When some cheerful passerby mistakes you for a kindly older woman, remember to scowl. Remember those feel-good endorphins are released every time you engage in these activities.
#15.) Always be a doormat and a ‘yes lady.’
Try to be everything to everyone. Allow yourself to be diminished by everyone’s expectations. Remembering your complete unimportance is vital to remain crotchety.
#16.)Do not have pets
Animals are known to be great companions. They have the adverse effect of causing smiles and increasing contentment. Therein lies your reason to commit to a pet-free existence.
#15.) Make sure your home surroundings are outdated, unwelcoming and chaotic.
This highly underrated technique holds infinite power to ensure gloom and malaise.
#16.) Ignore all friends.
Especially resist deeply meaningful connections. Friendships fuel energy and love. They feed positive emotions. To truly grow old and grumpy, you must cut off all such contact. Remember, you’re too old for them, anyway.
#17.) Limit interactions to those sharing your own viewpoint and are socio-economic position.
This safeguards you from any possibility of heart-enlarging empathy towards those who differ from your circle.
#18.) Do not consider your mortality.
Keep all contemplation of your life being finite far from your thoughts. Otherwise, you may begin to value each day as a gift.
#19.) Refuse to practice acceptance.
Mentally fight against and vehemently curse every sign of a changing world.
#20.) Only think about your past failures or your imagined fears of the future.
Dwell, ruminate and obsess on every detail.
#21.)Make sure you live in constant remorse and insecurity.
Second-guess every decision you’ve made over your entire life.
#22.) Make a daily ritual of criticizing yourself.
Practice berating yourself and internalize each and every condemning thought.
#23.) Make a solemn vow to never forgive yourself of any fault or misstep.
Releasing yourself from shame may cause lightness of the heart.
#24.) React with emotional volatility whenever you feel like it.
Show no self-restraint in your reactions to situations. Be sure to let everyone catch the full fury of any perceived trespass made against you. Show no mercy. Ever.
#25.) Do not be tempted to find a resolution to conflicts.
Do not try to seek help, make amends or repair bridges.
#26.) Surround yourself with an atmosphere of negativity.
Watch or listen to the news continuously. Limit any interactions you have with those who see doom, gloom, and future cataclysmic mayhem.
So, there you have it. A blueprint for growing old and grumpy. I hope reading through this list has had the same effect on you it did on me. It helped me clearly see the way NOT to go!
It motivated me to ‘work on my stuff!’ This blog is where I’m unpacking the overstuffed closets of my heart and sharing some of the tricks I’m learning in that process. You’re welcome to come along.
How do you see yourself in the process of growing older? Do you have emotional closets to unpack like I do?
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